Posted on October 19th, 2007 at 1:47 pm by Ruthie and
There is something happening
The clouds try to run from it
The trees that out look to the pedestrians
Dupree, sad, low branches warn them
First the ruffles in the trees
They don’t try to hold up against these demanding winds
Relaxing is the only option
Then the clouds draw closer together
Cuddling like toys in a small toy box
Looking back there is nothing but black
Finally the shaking of the ground
People turn in shock
Scream in surprise
The wind howls and roars
Even before you reach shelter
It’s over
Fluffy white clouds separate
After the sign of the end of the storm
The trees are thankful for the end of the rush
There is still a strong push from the wind
But it’s gentle like a mother’s touch
The song has changed from a
Powerful, loud song
To a
Joyful, calm song
Link Here | October 22, 2007,
The things i like about this poem is that you used really good descriptive words. It is good because had a good beginning which made me want to read more; you also had a good ending. There wasn’t anything in your writing that made me wonder, what? One thing that you can do to improve your piece of writing is connecting the middle together making it connect easier, otherwise it was a good piece of writing.
emsesquerra |
Link Here | October 22, 2007,
I really liked the last verse of the poem. It it kind of like a storm. Why do the clouds cuddle together? Is it for protection or warmth or is it for comfort? Can you think of more similes?
emstourtelot |
Link Here | October 22, 2007,
I like how you don’t tell what the poem is about. There are lots of detail i like how you said it went from a powerful, loud song to a joyful, calm song. So don’t change that. i didn’t understand like what was the storm was an earthquake, or a hurricane, or just a regular storm. I am not saying you should blantently tell what kind of storm it is. Maybe just give little clues. But is a grest poem you are really good.
einsteinhonschke
Link Here | October 22, 2007,
Praise: I like how you used descriptive words, it made the poem flow and allowed me to paint my own picture also
Question: When it says “The trees are thankful for the end of the rush
what do you mean, what kind of rush?”
Polish: Make sure that the poem makes sense and re-read. Other than that your poem was GOOD !
emsesquerra |